Let it hurt

For my fixers, caregivers, helpers, and overachievers - this is the hardest lesson we'll ever have to learn:

How to relax when it comes to those we love.

How to not project our perfectionism onto them too.

That happiness is not the only feeling they’re allowed to feel.

That if they’re anything but happy it’s not our job to fix it.

How to support, without shortcutting to solutions.

How to listen without interjecting, “Well it’s simple. Clearly this is what you have to do!”

Because when it comes to being human, it’s never that simple, is it?

Our emotions run deep - as in they run into places none of us can see in the other.

Even if we’ve felt what they’ve felt before - why they feel it, how they feel it, and how long they feel it - is up to them.

Trust that they can do it.

And I know it’s hard. Because for the overachiever we have a tendency to think, “If it’s gonna be done right, I gotta do it.”

Let go of that crushing and suffocating belief. It’s heavy as fuck and unnecessary.

They don’t need your anxieties, frustrations, and indignations on top of what they’re already feeling.

It’s another attempt to delay, eradicate, or deny pain.

If we don't allow ourselves to feel our own pain, we cannot feel that of another.

This is what's stunting the connection between us - in our relationships, and within society as a whole.

Compassion requires us to feel pain. Without rushing to fix, numb, or distract.

The pain will dissipate on its own. Have the courage to stay with it til it does.

Just your presence is enough. Just you, is enough.

If you want to help them, let it hurt.

If you want to help yourself, let it hurt.